Gratitude for Being Able to Do

I read a post by a friend of mine. I knew she'd been ill, but not that ill. I'm glad she's doing better, and hope that will continue. It got me thinking, okay, yeah, it's all about me, of the times when my MS was a lot worse. Last week I had a flare, and haven't had one in about a year. I spent a lot of the week 1. eating too much because my body knew something was wrong and so of course my brain said, "here, food will fix it." 2. having 2 or 3 irrational crying times that made my husband wonder about my ability to carry on logical conversations. 3. Had to go to the doctor because some old, worrysome symptoms popped up. 3. Felt so tired that it made me really grateful that I don't feel those old feelings so much anymore. Here's the essence of what I wrote on my friend's blog, with some extra details.

"I'm not glad for what you've been through. I have MS and although never bedridden, I wanted to cry when my daughter would come to my bed and say, "Mommy, that was a really long nap," realizing she'd been alone and watching TV all afternoon. Messy house, always tired, not there for field trips, couldn't volunteer at school, missed appointments and lessons, had to hire help. There were times I joked that my husband really ought to 'trade me in for a working model.' I, too, had a medication change (several years ago) and now I'm usually so close to normal I almost forget what that was like. Last week I felt a bit like I used to. That wake-up reminded me to appreciate the good days instead of squeezing all the life out with worry and doing too much.
[Friend's name] you have a great purpose. I know you, although not as well as I'd like, but enough to know you're amazing. Your beautiful writing has tons to say, and so do you."

When I get down on myself for all I can't do, the writing that trickles out instead of the steady flow of hours-worth of words I want, walk past the little things that always seem to clutter my countertops and floor, I sometimes want to stop trying. I told my friend she's worth it. I need to take my own advice.

And I'm very grateful that I'm starting to feel better this week. Still eating too much chocolate, and black licorice, and more chocolate. I've been trying to cut down on those. Time to spend less time eating, more on feeling grateful, more on writing.

Time to get Caught up on Blogging

Okay, I've been away a lot this summer. I've still got writing to do on what happened at WIFYR and LDS Storymakers. I have, however, been able to say I'm still writing. Writing on the beach (okay, for 45 minutes, but still.) Arranging it so one of my boys rode in the front seat for part of our 5 hour drives to and from the Sun Valley family reunion so I could sit in the back and write. Writing on vacation. It's been bits here and there, not the huge blocks of times I wish for and never seem to manage (maybe I'm just too ADD) but I'm working. I gave myself a huge list of things to do:
1. I'm brushing the cobwebs off my Sonya Silent book because MG contemporary is supposed to come back. But after WIFYR and wonderful help from Claudia Mills, I have to re-do the second half. I've come up with the new plot, and written some of it, but still scary amounts to do.
2. In the middle of revision to Night Visions, not giving up on that one either, even if it has dreams in it.
3. Giving up on Pearled for now. Maybe someday Mermaids will make a comeback? I still love the setting and characters of the book, especially the part where she meets the Ama (no not American Medical Association--but they really did exist) I will finish it just for my girls.
4. Finally getting some ideas on how to change my overstuffed with two many plots book, whatever I finally call it, Mayflower Cafe for now. After I finish re-writes on the other two, it's my next project.
5. I think. Because I've also started a new book. It's coming out unexpectedly for me, mostly in small, one-sentence definitions (sort-of how some books lately have lists.) And I really like it, although somedays it's painful to write. It's easy to write about how I feel about Asperger's and I'm trying to do that, too. This is not a problem novel, but I know the main character will have that problem (maybe not labeled because that the hot thing now and by the time I get it done I will be, like the mermaid one, past the trend). It's also going to have fun parts. I've been asking my son about what a character would have to do if he wanted to take a lawnmower on a road trip. We'll see what advice he gives me.
I will post about WIFYR. Soon.

Productive Writing or Unproductive Worrying?

Last weekend I went with one of the members of my critique group to meet with another critique group. I really enjoyed it, and even though the comments showed me that I've got to revise my first chapter, AGAIN, I now have some good ideas of what I need to do. I've been going back and forth between too much detail, not enough detail, too vague and sketchy, or too boring. I spent the whole hour plus drive home thinking about what I needed to change, and realized, I don't have to put in that stuff that's boring. I can make it chapter two and start over. I'm excited to implement my changes.
However, although I managed to type a few notes into my phone, and got about ten words written when I got home, that's all I've done. I'm hoping to find a way to meet with this critique group, but with the long drive, my husband isn't too excited about the time chunk bitten out of a Saturday. So we had our usual conversation about my how much time I spend writing as opposed to how much I should spend.I told him I didn't spend nearly as much time writing as I thought I should.
His reply surprised me: "You're right. It's just the time you spend thinking and stressing about writing that's too much."
Hmm. Since then, I've been thinking about how to spend less mental energy wanting to write and more energy actually putting words on paper.

First Line Contest Winners

I've had a lot going on offline, and I'm way behind at updating my blog. First of all, here are the contest results:

First Place: Kalen O'Donnell

For my sixteenth birthday, my oldest brother tried to kill me again.

Second Place: Nikki Katz

Jocelyn stared at the guy sitting across the table from her, wondering how he’d react later – when he was drowning.
Runners Up:
Kimberly Kay - I thought I knew the definition of fear, but this time Webster was wrong.
Peggy Eddleman - You’d think I had never jumped off a 35 foot cliff before, based on how long I stood there, not jumping.
Erica Olson - I slammed the car door and rushed past the men putting pieces of my life into a big white truck.
Marcy Pusey - The first time MaryAnn died she was only nine years old.
Janet B Taylor - They say eyes are the window to the soul–or some crap like that–but for me, eyebrows are way more interesting.
Amy White - Oliver used to be ordinary–yesterday.
Susan Kaye Quinn - A zero like me shouldn’t take public transportation.

We had lots on entries, and I was amazed at the quality of the first lines.

Great First Lines!

We had a great response to the contest, and I was amazed at the number of creative, humorous and original first lines. I'm only one of the judges, so I have no idea who won yet.

The results should be out really soon!

First Line Contest

We're running a contest for a terrific first book line from your Children's Book manuscript. What makes your book stand out? We know how important that first line is for hooking an agent, editor, and reader. Now show me some great beginnings!
Deadline: Midnight April 2, 2011.

Prizes: 1 page critique with agent Mary Kole, $30 gift certificate. Second prize: 5-page critique plus 1 page of comments by author Martine Leavitt, plus $20 gift certificate. Other prizes: tons and tons of books!
You have to go check out this contest!

http://cherstinieveen.wordpress.com/2011/03/18/first-line-contest/

The New Fad in Valentine's Day Gifts--Soup??

I have to start by saying it's all my fault. My DH took me for a nice lunch at a sushi place (never his choice) last Friday. So today was bonus. That said, I still wish men could somehow visualize the romantic dreams women have about this day. Stores display flowers, decorated cookies and cupcakes, heart-shaped candy boxes, some decorated with frilly pink lace and rose. And I got...soup.
As I said, my fault. He texted me to ask what I wanted for Valentine's Day. Sort-of like, "Okay, I'll stop at the store on my way home, but I don't really want to." I almost didn't answer, because I sensed no motivation in him. So I answered, "Some soup or a treat from the hospital cafeteria, or a book from the local bookstore." I have to admit I liked the book idea much more. But he was sick, and I gave him an easy out. I waited, hoping for a book. He got me the soup. It was good soup, gourmet spinach and mushroom. And I asked for it. So why do I feel a bit neglected?

How does this connect to writing? Unlike my spouse, I love shopping. But submitting my work is difficult for me. It isn't that it terrifies me, I can even handle the rejections (after a day or so of too much chocolate.) But it's unpleasant and difficult to decide where to send. Major manuscript revision is even tougher for me.

Last year I won a writing contest. I submitted the book to two agents with high hopes. One agent was kind, but pointed out what she saw as a major flaw in the book. So I put it aside and got to work on my new book. I love my new one, and think it's some of my most marketable work to date. However, I wonder now if I took the soup course. It's time soon to go back and figure out how to change my previous two manuscripts. And have the courage to revisit that really bad chapter book and see if I can get it ready for Mike Knudson's excellent workshop at WIFYR. If I avoid what's difficult in writing, then all I'm going to end up with is . . . more soup.