Monday, August 8, 2011

Gratitude for Being Able to Do

I read a post by a friend of mine. I knew she'd been ill, but not that ill. I'm glad she's doing better, and hope that will continue. It got me thinking, okay, yeah, it's all about me, of the times when my MS was a lot worse. Last week I had a flare, and haven't had one in about a year. I spent a lot of the week 1. eating too much because my body knew something was wrong and so of course my brain said, "here, food will fix it." 2. having 2 or 3 irrational crying times that made my husband wonder about my ability to carry on logical conversations. 3. Had to go to the doctor because some old, worrysome symptoms popped up. 3. Felt so tired that it made me really grateful that I don't feel those old feelings so much anymore. Here's the essence of what I wrote on my friend's blog, with some extra details.

"I'm not glad for what you've been through. I have MS and although never bedridden, I wanted to cry when my daughter would come to my bed and say, "Mommy, that was a really long nap," realizing she'd been alone and watching TV all afternoon. Messy house, always tired, not there for field trips, couldn't volunteer at school, missed appointments and lessons, had to hire help. There were times I joked that my husband really ought to 'trade me in for a working model.' I, too, had a medication change (several years ago) and now I'm usually so close to normal I almost forget what that was like. Last week I felt a bit like I used to. That wake-up reminded me to appreciate the good days instead of squeezing all the life out with worry and doing too much.
[Friend's name] you have a great purpose. I know you, although not as well as I'd like, but enough to know you're amazing. Your beautiful writing has tons to say, and so do you."

When I get down on myself for all I can't do, the writing that trickles out instead of the steady flow of hours-worth of words I want, walk past the little things that always seem to clutter my countertops and floor, I sometimes want to stop trying. I told my friend she's worth it. I need to take my own advice.

And I'm very grateful that I'm starting to feel better this week. Still eating too much chocolate, and black licorice, and more chocolate. I've been trying to cut down on those. Time to spend less time eating, more on feeling grateful, more on writing.

Time to get Caught up on Blogging

Okay, I've been away a lot this summer. I've still got writing to do on what happened at WIFYR and LDS Storymakers. I have, however, been able to say I'm still writing. Writing on the beach (okay, for 45 minutes, but still.) Arranging it so one of my boys rode in the front seat for part of our 5 hour drives to and from the Sun Valley family reunion so I could sit in the back and write. Writing on vacation. It's been bits here and there, not the huge blocks of times I wish for and never seem to manage (maybe I'm just too ADD) but I'm working. I gave myself a huge list of things to do:
1. I'm brushing the cobwebs off my Sonya Silent book because MG contemporary is supposed to come back. But after WIFYR and wonderful help from Claudia Mills, I have to re-do the second half. I've come up with the new plot, and written some of it, but still scary amounts to do.
2. In the middle of revision to Night Visions, not giving up on that one either, even if it has dreams in it.
3. Giving up on Pearled for now. Maybe someday Mermaids will make a comeback? I still love the setting and characters of the book, especially the part where she meets the Ama (no not American Medical Association--but they really did exist) I will finish it just for my girls.
4. Finally getting some ideas on how to change my overstuffed with two many plots book, whatever I finally call it, Mayflower Cafe for now. After I finish re-writes on the other two, it's my next project.
5. I think. Because I've also started a new book. It's coming out unexpectedly for me, mostly in small, one-sentence definitions (sort-of how some books lately have lists.) And I really like it, although somedays it's painful to write. It's easy to write about how I feel about Asperger's and I'm trying to do that, too. This is not a problem novel, but I know the main character will have that problem (maybe not labeled because that the hot thing now and by the time I get it done I will be, like the mermaid one, past the trend). It's also going to have fun parts. I've been asking my son about what a character would have to do if he wanted to take a lawnmower on a road trip. We'll see what advice he gives me.
I will post about WIFYR. Soon.